Dilemma

So I’m sorta dropped out from the hellhole we call LKW University which basically a college establishment which uses the idea of artistry and design courses to lure students in, and in reality that their strongest point is at marketing and business commerce and with those, many rather well-established parents would send their under-performed sons and daughters to this college and mine are such example for I have gave up the art of commerce and economics since I was 17.

Having to learnt a lot of these reality horrors and make only one friend who’s able to think critically in a way gave me an insight of how fucked up our society are today. Having spent my previous 4 years in the corporate-run so-called art university, my parent finally gave up on me when I told her of my result of which I had already known what the marks are even without looking at it, for what I did was to bailed class for two years or let’s say four semester in a row in which disappointed not only my parents but also my loved lecturers who looked up to me for my qualities in the art of fashion and art.

My parent decided to stop financing me for my schooling in which in a way pushed me into blogging just a few days ago, which is in desperation and irrational of me to think of that I would actually pull through internet business in which I, myself know that I am not ready for entrepreneurship without any clear idea of how to even manage it with wild dreams like one of my uncles who never succeed.

The art of Fashion has a lifestyle I wanted but it is not what I am capable to do, for what I am really interested is in General Artistry such as creative writings, drawing, photography, and philosophy ecetra which in some sense fashion and clothes is part of. But sadly I am certainly not passionate enough to go all the way in fashion for it is not where my passion lies.

So just moment ago, after a brief, much slower and calmer conversation with my parent, I will have another chance and that this will be the last and I will have to make up my mind of what I want to do with my life tho which is true that I has being blur since I was 12 for whatever reasons in where the ideology of the republicans are to be blame, and in shame I am to see a much younger acquaintances are more mature than me when I was at their age; thinking back that I had missed the chances and the slap of the wake-up call than they have, only to first relies the whole bigger world when I was 21 after the help of two of my valued friends(an egoistic ideological spiritualist and a liberal realist).

For the last chance that my parent gave shall I not ruined it for it will ruined my life and have myself rot in the traditionalist hellhole restricting me from viewing and travel the world with endless beauty, making my talents and knowledge a waste, if I ever ruined it.

The Dilemma of which I have to take has four points for me to choose from.

First when I was first told furiously by my parent that she will stop financing me for my college in LKW in which I have fully prepared for, since the establishment not only disappointed me greatly but also had my motivation and inspiration cut short. And from there I actually thought of internet entrepreneurship which clearly I am not ready for.

Second idea was for me to go to England and to actually studies the Art of Fashion there, in which one of my previous friend(a Datin) had suggested me to go there three years ago; which I had shunned away in order to follow one of my parents traditional principle which is to finish what I started, sadly I will never ever finished it. I should had gone to England a long time ago, making a better me there for a friend of mine(Egoistic Ideological Artist) had told me a reality of how the World of Fashion operates that I am suppose to be there not in England but the whole Europe, instead of the less developed fashion industry of South East Asia from which I had known that my fashion forecast was almost perfect when it comes to predicting and that my prediction is between one to two years ahead of the current local Fashion Scene for almost every time, the scene appeared just as I had predicted. Even my spiritual leader told me not to wait for one of his student’s son, same age as I am, doing great in America as a Fashion student, on which I look at myself, how much procrastination and cowardice against changes had affected me so greatly; only until yesterday, stumble across a picture in my gallery saying “Changes is inevitable, and all I can do is to make sure it happens in my favor” which I completely take in hearts of.

Third idea was to actually migrate to Europe to fulfill what is in my family blood, which is not in my family’s tradition to do so. Most of my family members may not noticed it that we have the blood of the Migration Trait since the Big Migration during the Northern Mass Migration of Old China.

I first noticed that my grandfather, a Mainland Chinese, migrates to the South Sea and wed a local girl which I heard was related to the founding father of the Country’s Capital; My father migrates from the village to the city and eventually across the sea to wed my mother; both of my siblings, migrates across the ocean to Australia with one of them becomes a Permanent Resident. And I guess, I will one day have to migrate too for which the people I met are not only of my own countrymen anymore but almost globally in almost every continent from China to Iran, South Africa to Brasil, Canada to the Mediterranean. I could had done this three years ago, well blamed it for my insecurities of uncertainty which in envious I saw in many travelers’ eyes, asked myself why I am not them, from which an ideology that I actually believe in “as far as the plane can take him, if he can come back home all by himself, he is a survivor.”

For the fourth I know that if I were to do what the first three ideas, I would went astray along the way; and so I thought to myself why not listen to my own guts and took the class from the first school that I have laid my eyes on which my parents disagreed on, before I went into the corporate hellhole; carry on the practice of Malicia from Formado Soldado, here in my own country; following the footstep of a dear friend of mine had taken, and not to get myself locked in what I most undesired from, and travel the world without regrets for I will maybe able to survive on my own without the help of my parents in which I am in shame for I am too old to ask for, into the world with a better understanding than charging blindly as of the first three ideas had portrays. For my dream was not to stay but to visit, and leave a footprint, to see the world’s endless beauty and live the life of my dreams.

For I have the tool now, why not use them instead of wasting them at a place where I will rot.